ユーモア
「話さないでおきたい。話せば、面倒なことになる。」
訳：Infinito Mourinho
— チェルシー。アウェーでアストン・ヴィラに0-1で敗れたあと、審判について問われて、2014
「いいかい、私は監督であって、ハリー・ポッターではない。」
訳：Infinito Mourinho
— レアル・マドリード。最初のリーグ戦のあと、奇跡を期待しないようファンに釘を刺して、2010
「オムレツと卵だ。卵がなければオムレツはできない。そして、それは卵の質次第だ。」
訳：Infinito Mourinho
— チェルシー。新戦力の補強なしでのチームづくりについて、2007
“If I wanted to have an easy job I would have stayed at Porto – beautiful blue chair, the UEFA Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me.”
— チェルシー。ポルトを離れた理由を説明して、2004
「若い選手はメロンのようなものだ。切って味わってみて初めて、そのメロンがいいものだと100%確信できる。」
訳：Infinito Mourinho
— 若手選手の育成について
「私はハッピー・ワンだ。」
訳：Infinito Mourinho
— チェルシー復帰について、2013
“At almost 70 years of age has won a Super Cup and another small cup. He is too old to change his mentality.”
— インテル。ユヴェントスのクラウディオ・ラニエリ監督に応じて、2008
“As for Lo Monaco, I do not know who he is. With the name Monaco, I have heard of Bayern Monaco (Munich) and the Monaco GP, the Tibetan Monaco (Monk) and the Principality of Monaco. I've never heard of any others.”
— インテル。カターニアのCEO、ピエトロ・ロ・モナコに応じて、2008
“Our goalkeeper Trubin, who is two metres tall, went into the box and scored a fantastic goal, a historic goal”
— ベンフィカ。CLで、GKの終盤のヘディングでレアル・マドリードに4-2で勝ったあと、2026
“Just as an example, Hegel says the truth is in the whole, it's always in the whole that you find the truth.”
— マンチェスター・ユナイテッド。記者会見で批判に答えて、2018
“Don't ask me what mistakes they are but I realise that during my career I have made mistakes. And I'm not going to make the same mistakes. I'm going to make new mistakes.”
— トッテナム。最初の記者会見で、2019
“It was an intense, vibrant game with a referee who seemed Spanish. It was yellow, yellow, yellow all the time.”
— ローマ。UEFAヨーロッパリーグ決勝でセビージャにPK戦で敗れたあと、2023
「私はばかではない。」
訳：Infinito Mourinho
— インテル。最初の記者会見で、ミラノ方言で、2008
「2頭の馬と1頭の子馬だ。ミルクが必要で、跳び方を覚えなければならない子馬だ。」
訳：Infinito Mourinho
— チェルシー。アウェーでマンチェスター・シティに勝ったあと、優勝争いについて、2014
“I was always humble but you didn't understand that.”
— トッテナム。最初の記者会見で、変わったかと問われて、2019
“I promised him that [if he scored] I would buy him a pair of shoes that he really likes, that cost €800. … He came over to me and told me not to forget that. Tomorrow morning, I will go and buy them.”
— ローマ。アウェーのジェノア戦で18歳のフェリックス・アフェナ・ギャンが2得点したあと、2021
“I think we still have a chance to win that league because maybe they punish Man City with points and maybe we win that league and they have to pay me the bonus and give me the medal.”
— フェネルバフチェ。マンチェスター・ユナイテッド戦の前に、2017-18シーズンのプレミアリーグ優勝について冗談を言って、2024
“As for the bicycle in Switzerland. It was in a hotel, made up of small houses, which makes them available so guests can ride to the communal areas, and you would have us believe he was competing in the Tour of Switzerland.”
— レアル・マドリード。キリアン・エムバペを批判から擁護して、2026
“I love intelligent ball boys, like I was. I was a brilliant ball boy as a kid. This kid today was brilliant. He reads the game, understands the game and made an important assist.”
— トッテナム。オリンピアコス戦で素早くボールを渡して同点ゴールにつなげたボールボーイをほめて、2019
“For me, pressure is bird flu; I am feeling a lot of pressure with the swan in Scotland.”
— チェルシー。優勝争いの重圧について問われて、2006
“You know, I think boring is 10 years without a title. That's very boring.”
— チェルシー。アウェーのアーセナル戦を0-0で引き分けたあと、ホームのファンの「退屈」というチャントに答えて、2015
“A team of good boys, a team of nice boys, the only thing they can win at the end of the season is the Fair Play Cup. Something I have never won and have no interest in winning that.”
— トッテナム。ハーフタイムに起きた選手2人の口論について問われて、2020
“So the stats, many, many times are like an incredible piece of meat or fish but badly cooked. It doesn't tell me much.”
— トッテナム。アウェーのリヴァプール戦でボール保持率が低かったことへの批判に答えて、2020
“The best thing I have to do is when I leave Fenerbahce, I go to a club that doesn't play in UEFA competition. So, if any club in England from the bottom of the table needs a coach in two years, I'm ready to go.”
— フェネルバフチェ。マンチェスター・ユナイテッド戦で退席処分を受けたあと、冗談を言って、2024
“If the club decides to sack me because of bad results, that's part of the game. If that happens, I'll be a millionaire and I will get another club a couple of months later.”
— チェルシー。ポルトとのCLの試合の前に、自身の去就について問われて、2007
“The 'Mourinho effect' is winning trophies. It's September; you can't win trophies in September.”
— フェネルバフチェ。UEFAヨーロッパリーグでの勝利のあと、「モウリーニョ効果」について問われて、2024
“I know that Mike Dean has a difficult job. He's on the pitch and it's 200 miles an hour. I wouldn't like to be a referee because it's so difficult. Sometimes I try in training sessions and I realise that it's too difficult.”
— トッテナム。マンチェスター・シティに勝ったあと、審判を擁護して、2020
“The day will come when polls, or AI, pick the team. But until then, I think, coaches pick the team and take decisions...”
— レアル・マドリード。批判を受けて中盤を変えるかと問われて、2026
“The signal of close your mouth was not for them but for the press. They speak too much and in my opinion they try to do everything to disturb Chelsea. Wait, don't speak too soon.”
— チェルシー。リヴァプールに勝ったリーグカップ決勝での自身のジェスチャーを説明して、2005
“The first half was the coach's fault; the second half was the players' fault.”
— レアル・マドリード。CLのアウェーのローマ戦で1-3のビハインドから逆転し、4-3で勝ったあと、2026
“I trust all the referees... whether it's the league or Champions League, before the game I always have the best feelings about the referees.”
— レアル・マドリード。CLの試合の前に、ローマでの記者会見で、2026
“I have 25 coins, I throw the coins in the air. The ones that stay on the table are the players that play, the ones that go on the floor, go on the bench. I do it just like this. During the week I'm having fun, I go to nightclubs every day in Istanbul. It's simple.”
— フェネルバフチェ。ローテーションについての質問への皮肉を込めた返答、2025
“You may as well put a cow in the middle of the pitch. And then stop the game because there was a cow.”
— チェルシー。アウェーでニューカッスルに敗れたあと、時間稼ぎについて、2014