Humor
«Prefiero no hablar. Si hablo, me meteré en problemas.»
Traducción de Infinito Mourinho
— Chelsea, preguntado por el árbitro tras perder 1-0 ante el Aston Villa, 2014
«Mire, soy entrenador, no soy Harry Potter.»
Traducción de Infinito Mourinho
— Real Madrid, pidiendo a la afición que no esperara milagros tras su primer partido de Liga, 2010
«Tortillas, huevos. Sin huevos, no hay tortillas. Y depende de la calidad de los huevos.»
Traducción de Infinito Mourinho
— Chelsea, sobre armar un equipo sin fichajes, 2007
“If I wanted to have an easy job I would have stayed at Porto – beautiful blue chair, the UEFA Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me.”
— Chelsea, explicando por qué dejó el Oporto, 2004
«Los jugadores jóvenes son como los melones. Solo cuando abres y pruebas el melón estás 100% seguro de que el melón es bueno.»
Traducción de Infinito Mourinho
— Sobre la formación de jóvenes
«Soy el Happy One.»
Traducción de Infinito Mourinho
— En su regreso al Chelsea, 2013
“At almost 70 years of age has won a Super Cup and another small cup. He is too old to change his mentality.”
— Inter, respondiendo al entrenador de la Juventus, Claudio Ranieri, 2008
“As for Lo Monaco, I do not know who he is. With the name Monaco, I have heard of Bayern Monaco (Munich) and the Monaco GP, the Tibetan Monaco (Monk) and the Principality of Monaco. I've never heard of any others.”
— Inter, respondiendo al consejero delegado del Catania, Pietro Lo Monaco, 2008
“Our goalkeeper Trubin, who is two metres tall, went into the box and scored a fantastic goal, a historic goal”
— Benfica, tras el gol de cabeza de su portero en el descuento para ganar 4-2 al Real Madrid en la Champions, 2026
“Just as an example, Hegel says the truth is in the whole, it's always in the whole that you find the truth.”
— Manchester United, respondiendo a las críticas en rueda de prensa, 2018
“Don't ask me what mistakes they are but I realise that during my career I have made mistakes. And I'm not going to make the same mistakes. I'm going to make new mistakes.”
— Tottenham, en su primera rueda de prensa, 2019
“It was an intense, vibrant game with a referee who seemed Spanish. It was yellow, yellow, yellow all the time.”
— Roma, tras perder la final de la Europa League ante el Sevilla en los penaltis, 2023
«No soy un idiota.»
Traducción de Infinito Mourinho
— Inter, en su primera rueda de prensa, en dialecto milanés, 2008
«Dos caballos y un caballito. Un caballito que necesita leche y aprender a saltar.»
Traducción de Infinito Mourinho
— Chelsea, tras ganar al Manchester City, sobre la lucha por el título, 2014
“I was always humble but you didn't understand that.”
— Tottenham, en su primera rueda de prensa, preguntado si había cambiado, 2019
“I promised him that [if he scored] I would buy him a pair of shoes that he really likes, that cost €800. … He came over to me and told me not to forget that. Tomorrow morning, I will go and buy them.”
— Roma, tras el doblete del joven de 18 años Felix Afena-Gyan en Génova, 2021
“I think we still have a chance to win that league because maybe they punish Man City with points and maybe we win that league and they have to pay me the bonus and give me the medal.”
— Fenerbahçe, bromeando sobre la Premier League 2017-18 antes de enfrentarse al Manchester United, 2024
“As for the bicycle in Switzerland. It was in a hotel, made up of small houses, which makes them available so guests can ride to the communal areas, and you would have us believe he was competing in the Tour of Switzerland.”
— Real Madrid, defendiendo a Kylian Mbappé de las críticas, 2026
“I love intelligent ball boys, like I was. I was a brilliant ball boy as a kid. This kid today was brilliant. He reads the game, understands the game and made an important assist.”
— Tottenham, elogiando al recogepelotas cuyo saque rápido propició un empate ante el Olympiacos, 2019
“For me, pressure is bird flu; I am feeling a lot of pressure with the swan in Scotland.”
— Chelsea, preguntado por la presión de la lucha por el título, 2006
“You know, I think boring is 10 years without a title. That's very boring.”
— Chelsea, tras empatar 0-0 ante el Arsenal, respondiendo a los cánticos de «aburrido» de la afición local, 2015
“A team of good boys, a team of nice boys, the only thing they can win at the end of the season is the Fair Play Cup. Something I have never won and have no interest in winning that.”
— Tottenham, preguntado por una discusión entre dos de sus jugadores en el descanso, 2020
“So the stats, many, many times are like an incredible piece of meat or fish but badly cooked. It doesn't tell me much.”
— Tottenham, respondiendo a las críticas por la poca posesión de su equipo ante el Liverpool, 2020
“The best thing I have to do is when I leave Fenerbahce, I go to a club that doesn't play in UEFA competition. So, if any club in England from the bottom of the table needs a coach in two years, I'm ready to go.”
— Fenerbahçe, bromeando tras ser expulsado ante el Manchester United, 2024
“If the club decides to sack me because of bad results, that's part of the game. If that happens, I'll be a millionaire and I will get another club a couple of months later.”
— Chelsea, preguntado por su futuro antes de un partido de Champions ante el Oporto, 2007
“The 'Mourinho effect' is winning trophies. It's September; you can't win trophies in September.”
— Fenerbahçe, preguntado por el «efecto Mourinho» tras ganar en la Europa League, 2024
“I know that Mike Dean has a difficult job. He's on the pitch and it's 200 miles an hour. I wouldn't like to be a referee because it's so difficult. Sometimes I try in training sessions and I realise that it's too difficult.”
— Tottenham, defendiendo al árbitro tras ganar al Manchester City, 2020
“The day will come when polls, or AI, pick the team. But until then, I think, coaches pick the team and take decisions...”
— Real Madrid, preguntado si cambiaría su centro del campo tras las críticas, 2026
“The signal of close your mouth was not for them but for the press. They speak too much and in my opinion they try to do everything to disturb Chelsea. Wait, don't speak too soon.”
— Chelsea, explicando su gesto en la final de la Copa de la Liga ganada al Liverpool, 2005
“The first half was the coach's fault; the second half was the players' fault.”
— Real Madrid, tras remontar un 3-1 y ganar 3-4 en Roma en la Champions, 2026
“I trust all the referees... whether it's the league or Champions League, before the game I always have the best feelings about the referees.”
— Real Madrid, en su rueda de prensa en Roma antes del partido de Champions, 2026
“I have 25 coins, I throw the coins in the air. The ones that stay on the table are the players that play, the ones that go on the floor, go on the bench. I do it just like this. During the week I'm having fun, I go to nightclubs every day in Istanbul. It's simple.”
— Fenerbahçe, respuesta sarcástica a una pregunta sobre sus rotaciones, 2025
“You may as well put a cow in the middle of the pitch. And then stop the game because there was a cow.”
— Chelsea, tras perder en Newcastle, sobre la pérdida de tiempo, 2014